My Playfulness has Value
Step 2: Perform research — Ask people what they do for fun/how they think they are fun.
In my mission to find my fun, I did what I said and put out a survey. I only got 2 responses. That’s fine. They were good responses that helped me define it for myself better and gave me some good ideas. And that is really what matters: My ideas and interpretations about what is fun about me. I can only think I’m fun if I actually think I’m fun. It doesn’t really matter what I do. I might already be doing things, but without thinking “Good grief! I’m fun!”, then I won’t think I’m fun. Strange how that works.
The other day I was on a run and listening to my awesome playlist I made for my half-marathon training and all I kept thinking was “This makes me want to dance!” and inside I was dancing up and down that street instead of running. In real life I just kept running, not letting that fun out because that is a weird thing for an adult to do. I mean, it would totally be okay and acceptable if I was with a kid and they wanted to dance. Then I am doing it for them.
Why is adulthood so serious? Why do I just keep following those rules? How would dancing in the street affect anything about my life, other than increase my having fun?
During a session with my coach this morning, I was talking about wanting to be fun, be seen, be heard, and everything that isn’t how I think people see me now. I have so much goofiness and silliness and fun inside me but I just keep it locked inside so tightly. I want it to all come pouring out in one big flood. I’m tired of peeking inside a little bit at a time and slowly letting little bits out. That is exhausting.
She asked me what it would look like if I let all the fun out. I mentioned this dancing during my run. And how I want to be seen and heard and talk and not just sit back and be only a listener. I want to shake up the relationships I have because I no longer fit that person I was when I started those relationships. I still love my friends and will still be just as close, I just want to be a more active participant. I want to walk around my life as if I’m with my 11 year old nephew because I have fun with him. I am fun with him. I get silly and goofy and all that delightfulness. Just talking about it made me feel playful. It felt good to say all of that. Like the gate has been opened.
She also gave me an assignment: to dance for 15–30 seconds during my run today. That was fun and a little scary to think about. But during my run, I did think about it. The songs didn’t move me to dance but I did skip for a block or two. And that boosted my mood a bit and I was able to start running and while I finished my run, I just kept seeing myself dancing the rest of the way home — like Kevin Bacon in “Footloose”. I didn’t dance my way home because I don’t have the endurance for that long of dancing or the dance skills, but maybe someday I will.
I know that it will take practice for me to really let it all just be out there since I’ve kept it inside for so long. But I can look at this practice as fun too. Maybe I’ll just end up dancing my way through my half-marathon.
Next week: Step 3: Establish a hypothesis (If _____[I do this] _____, then _____[this]_____ will happen.)
