It’s all in your brain

My brain. It’s a mess up there. Full of “shoulds”, “coulds”, “woulds”, “wants”, “don’t wants”, and more, all trying to get my attention at the same time. And my brain tries to follow each thought. I can’t imagine what the map of my brain would look like if I could GPS all of that. Once in a while, there is a rare moment of silence, I then think “Wow. I can’t seem to get anything done in my life”. And then it’s back to more of the same.

Usually ending the day with me feeling tired, overwhelmed, ashamed, and judging myself for lacking in all ways. “If only there was more time.” “If only I had more money.” “If only my boss hadn’t said that to me.” “If only that guy hadn’t rejected me.” “If only I was skinnier/prettier/fitter/blonder, then I would be happy.”. I start looking for things to blame or things to make it all better. If only I could change the world, then everything would be fine. What’s funny about this way of thinking is that for everything to be fine, everything has to change and that nothing is good enough already. Not me. Not the world. Not my boss. Not that guy. Nothing is good. And that’s because I am only looking outside me. (spoiler alert: there is also nothing wrong inside me, but we’ll get to that later).

But for now, more about this idea of circumstances. We all learn that circumstances make us feel something, do something, act a certain way. But that is wrong. Circumstances can’t DO anything. They are just there. They are neutral. You aren’t even aware of them until you have a thought about them. If there is no awareness, then there is no effect on you. Take for example an email from your boss that you haven’t read yet. That existed in reality before I mentioned it to you, but it wasn’t affecting you. You weren’t aware of it. Now you have a thought about it. Now you think it is affecting you. But what changed was your awareness of it, your thoughts about it. Your interpretation of it and that is creating a feeling. But what if we look at that same circumstance from my perspective? Like if I read that email from your boss. Same exact circumstance (email from a boss) but different feeling, right? If it had the power to create the feeling, wouldn’t every point of view for every person be the same one? Wouldn’t everybody feel the same way?

So, if the circumstance isn’t making you feel anything, what is? It’s created by your thought about it. Now, some people immediately make this mean that they did something wrong and then shame themselves about this. But, this is how our brains have just been trained to think. No blame, shame, or judgment needed. I have found that it can be fun, relieving, and reassuring to find this out. Our brains are silly. Reminding myself that nothing outside my brain actually affects my feelings (safety concerns not included), let’s me stop, breathe, and really see what the problem is. It let’s me see if there is actually even a problem.

And, the really fun part is, if my thoughts create my feelings, then I create my feelings. I can feel however I want, whenever I want. I just have to think a thought that brings that feeling up.

Think good thoughts, feel good feelings. It truly is all in our brain.