I Overthink Everything
That’s just something I’ve always thought about myself and told other people about myself. I’ve said it as a way to apologize to someone for talking a lot about something that my brain just does. I’ve said it as an apology because I thought that something was wrong with me because I thought about certain things a lot. I wanted to make sure everyone else knew that I already knew that there was something wrong with me so then I wouldn’t have to hear them say it to me.
But, thinking it and saying it myself didn’t make me feel any better. It’s a thought that makes me feel unworthy because it just doesn’t feel good to think that there is something wrong with you. And, make it worse, something that you can never even change. Why do we do this to ourselves?
What we think, or try to convince ourselves, overthinking is…
*Searching for an answer.
*A complicated mess.
*Feeling like you can’t trust yourself because you can’t find that answer already.
But, maybe it’s…
*Just being focused on the wrong thing.
*Just your brain telling you to stop, breathe, and ask yourself what you really are needing and how can you give it to yourself.
*Your brain is giving you permission to do whatever the hell you want.
Maybe it’s both and neither at the same time.
My coach asked two very interesting questions that can apply here (or really to any thought you might not like):
*Who would I be if I didn’t have this thought?
*Who would I be if I never had this thought?
It’s kind of fun to think about these questions because you can see this fun, free person that you could be. It’s possible to be someone who doesn’t overthink every damn thing. It’s possible to be someone who just takes what others say to you as face value. It’s possible to be someone who just has an idea, plans it out, and then does it. I thought about all the peace I would have if I didn’t overthink everything. All the fun I’d have. All the time I’d have because I wouldn’t be sitting around trying to decide what to do or why something was the way it was. I would just accept life is the way it is and then get the most of it for myself. That sounds amazing, right?
But, that second question really gets me. Imagine if I was someone who never was overthinking anything. That overthinking just was never a part of me. That also starts out feeling like a wonderful thing because I think of all the ways my life would be different, how I would have avoided so many painful situations, and how everything would just be different.
EVERYTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT. I WOULD BE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. Without my brain doing what it does (and what it is supposed to do: think thoughts) I might not have my observation skills. I might not have the empathy I have. I might not have the patience I have. I might not care about the things I care about. I might not have sought out the experiences and people I did seek out. Everything would be different. I wouldn’t be me. My life wouldn’t be this. And thinking about me not being here kind of makes me miss me.
So, who would I be if I had never thought any of the negative thoughts I have thought about myself? I wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t have realized that I kind of like having me in my life.
