I just might be living Harry Potter’s life
Well, kind of. And only in a few ways. Maybe if he was a 46-year old woman. Maybe I’m not at all. But stick with me…
I’m looking at two ways specifically. Being part of a prophecy (it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but hey that’s still a prophecy) and having the ability to be invisible (without a cloak). Maybe some negativity and whining happen in the middle of it all, also, but let’s not dwell on those areas.
I am easy to not see. I am easy to ignore. I am not the squeaky wheel that gets the oil. I don’t do drama outwardly (inside my brain is a completely different story however). I’ve always made the safe decisions. I followed the rules. I did what was expected — but rarely more. I didn’t want to be seen or noticed too much. I preferred to stay in the background rather than in the spotlight.
As I got older and more comfortable with myself, I realized I was getting a little antsy in the background all the time. I’m still not ready for always being in the spotlight, but maybe sometimes. But I had perfected the ability to be invisible in broad daylight. I held onto that as a defining characteristic of who I was, my identity. How do I change that??? Who am I if my identity is no longer what it’s always been?? (Those questions are not to be answered here. That deserves it’s own post).
Lately, I’ve been wanting to stand out more than ever before. And I am taking steps to do just that. But I see other people getting more attention. And from people who also know me. Why am I not getting any of it? Some people give nothing to me. No support. Nothing. A lot of the time, they don’t even respond to my comments to them. (cue some of the negativity and whining)
Then I think that I’m invisible and doing everything wrong and that makes me feel left out and feel shitty. And then I don’t want to comment on or support them. I also think it doesn’t matter because they won’t see it anyway since I’m invisible to them. So, I don’t interact with them and the algorithms on social media hide me — and then I am actually not seen. My “You will be invisible” prophecy fulfilled. And on it goes.
But wait, then there is that moment when someone does see my post, likes my post, or responds to me. And I’m not invisible. And my “You will be seen” efforts worked.
But, if I created the “I am invisible” self-fulfilling prophecy and the results of not being seen, aren’t all the good, fun, amazing things I’ve created also self-fulfilling prophecies? Isn’t my “You will be seen” goal also a prophecy? Is just being a human with free will a self-fulfilling prophecy? Why is “self-fulfilling prophecy” always used in a negative meaning? Is “self-fulfilling prophecy” just a way to not take responsibility or credit for the results we do have in life and give the power to the unknown?
Well, I don’t know about you but that thought leaves me feeling pretty disempowered and I no longer choose to feel that. I take back all the negative meanings behind “self-fulfilling prophecy” and make that magic my own.
